No Reason…I think.

I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know why I started this blog. I know exactly why. But…..I really don’t feel like getting into it yet. The fact of the matter is, I thought a blog would be a good outlet for me to release some thoughts that I know I can be more honest about via my fingers rather than my mouth. Also, I find that the world wide web is sometimes a lot more forgiving because, believe it or not, I do think that people are more honest when they can’t be seen. The thing with people when you talk to them face to face is that they fear judgement. Or at least I do–depending on who I’m talking to. It’s much easier to send an email, or a text, or write about it than to actually tell someone to their face how you feel. The world is a crazy place. How did they ever get along without these outlets of release? I’m sure there was certainly better communication back then. Less fighting. Less divorce.

Sometimes I feel like when I set my fingers down to type, there’s so much I feel like saying, I feel like I could over-flow. I want you guys to know everything about me all at once, yet I don’t want to scare you away either. There are a lot of things that I’ll let you in about. Slowly, I guess. But I promise to be honest with you, because I do admit that most of the time I find it easy to tell a little white lie when I’m shooting the shit with someone. It’s easy, and sometimes you don’t even know it happens. Everyone does it. Well I want to give you guys the respect of being honest, and telling you my thoughts and feelings as they are, no matter how strange or backwards they might be. I bet that some of the things that I’ll end up sharing are things that a lot of you share with me at the same time. You might be surprised with how you can relate.

I am so much of a woman sometimes I feel like I can’t handle myself. It seems like I think about sex almost all of the time. At least something of a sexual or lustful nature. I love to flirt. I love to feel that high and the rush of endorphins through my veins when someone tells me something that is right on the borderline of not being okay. I’m married. I have a wonderful husband. You’ll find out that even though I’m married I still have intense desires to fly beyond my nest. Not to actually land in anyone else’s nest, so-to-speak….but to test the waters, feel the feelings, and think about someone different when I enjoy myself alone. I don’t think I’m alone. I think that a lot of women do the same as me. Having a husband is a fantastic thing. I honestly don’t have any harsh or negative feelings towards him at all. Things between him and I are very…..well, routine, but they have been that way for a while. We have a child together, and they say that once you have a child together things between a couple get put on the back burner. That is so very, very true. We make love so infrequently. Perhaps it’s my birth control that’s not giving me the sexual desire to do the act at the end of the day—or maybe it’s just that I see him differently now and I can’t bring myself to lay with him as easily as I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I love him with all of my heart, and I respect him. But there is a massive part of me that is not filled. The wild, passionate, tearing, dirty, lustful, mean, and awful sexual part of myself. He has not seen it. I’m not sure if he will. I know that you all will hear plenty about it. And I’m confident that some of you will relate with me.