At first, and still.

It was years ago when I first noticed him. A colleague, but I know that I can’t speak his real name here, so I’ll call him Mr. Red. He was the kind of person that you notice and think “wow, god, he’s handsome”…then take your time looking at him as inconspicuously as possible as he walks away. I had a small “stare at him as often as possible” crush for a month or so at first, but then it was “out of sight, out of mind.”

Another man took his place. I’ll call him Mr. Blue. Also a colleague, both of mine and Mr Red actually. We knew each other by attending church on Sundays, and by sitting next to each other at work. (I no longer attend that church, by the way, because of other reasons I will probably get into later.) Mr. Blue was a terrible, terrible flirt. And by that I mean he was terribly good at getting me to squirm in my seat. The things he said to me sometimes would get me excited enough to want to claw him to pieces right in the office. He knew it, too. And I returned the favor. I said things to him that I knew made him desire me to such an extreme extent that we had to start ignoring each other for fear that things would go too far. But eventually things would start back up again…the words of want and desire. What we would do to each other if we had the chance. At one point, after I stayed over at a hotel for a mutual friends birthday party, he picked me up the next morning, took me to breakfast, and we went and decorated his new apartment. During our shopping adventure that day, the sexual tension was so high, and the intentional “bump” or “caress” was definitely noticed. We never had sex. But we were damn near close to kissing. Among other things. You can pretty much guess.

Things with Mr. Blue, after that night when things ended up not “happening”, kind of slowed down. I moved my desk at work, and I think that had a great deal to do with things cooling off. Not being so near to him didn’t make me lust after him so much, nor him for me.

However, my desk was moved right in front of good old Mr. Red. I was actually sitting right in front of him, so when I looked over my computer screen, it was his face I was looking at. Good Lord up above, what did I do to deserve this?

Mr. Red is the most gorgeous man in the building.

Built lean, strong body, great ass, strong chin, salt and pepper hair. Older, which is typically what I go for. I have no idea why that is.

Well, Mr. Red started right in on me as soon as I “moved in”, so-to-speak. He sent me messages, was a terrible (pathetically awkward) flirt, and consistently told me how beautiful I was. Believe me, I didn’t mind. He was complete and total eye-candy. The kind that I felt like I could taste in my mouth. I could see myself totally getting lost in him. I found it incredible of myself that I could feel this way all day….looking up over my computer screen and see him looking at me, make eye contact, and feeling a pull at my loins….and still manage to go home from work every night, to my husband and child, and be truly loving and adoring. Not faking that part of me even a little.  I found myself getting very confused. Mr. Red started to message me at home, and ask me more personal questions. Wanted me to tell me more about myself. I was getting sucked in. In my personal moments when I enjoyed my own body and was pleasuring myself, I was always thinking of ways Mr. Red would tear me to peices in terribly intense sexual ways. Just the way I like it. Yet after all of this, I would go to sleep next to my husband and adore the hell out of him. Confusion, desire, guilt, excitement, and a life that I felt like I had no control of.

Still happening at this very moment.




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